well i got really high last night and really cleared out some "emotional baggage"
i admitted to myself that my dad abused me, that everyone abuses me, my trust. and no i was not sexually abused if thats wut ur thinking, but i was abused.
my brother rejected me. my sisters hated me. my other brother took advantage of me (also not sexual, in case ur gay ass cant figure that out)
i hate life
well i got really high last night and really cleared out some "emotional baggage"
i admitted to myself that my dad abused me, that everyone abuses me, my trust. i ended up remembering a whole lot more, to the sum it up
so do we choose and sabotage our own lives, thoughts, and intentions in order to feel happy once we stop? i heard that pleasure is really just the removing of pain. eating is a pleasure of the pain of hunger, orgasm pain of sexual arousal. well then what about all the things we want? do we continue on hurting ourselves in order to feel something when we get what we want? possibly.
so i was looking at my hand today at work and i thought, who the hell is this thing? this thing that grew five fingers. why not six? i guess i just kind of wokeup, realizing i'm just in a place of five fingered bullshit, where none of us no any direction anything is going
we just come into something that barely makes sense and pass through, all the while wishing the fucking shit meant anything at all, when in reality we're just looking to be better than other people because there's nothing else to do. like, i could really care fucking less if i'm alive, so why the hell should i wakeup every fucking day working at a piece of shit job and living in a piece of shit world with faggots that make it all suck, when they theirself couldnt really find truth if it meant everything they ever wanted
its a fucking planet, yo. u make no sense at all u asshole. god damn u stop pissing us off
then i came home and saw my cat, which is gray by the way which i doubt ur hoeass cares, but anyways, i asked myself, who the hell is this damn animal, which could be as worthless as a squirrel if nobody liked them, rolling around on my god damn couch? who? what? why? get the hell out u gray ass black ass striped clueless bastard. but then i realized, what the hell, im clueless too, so i petted the dumb whore and downloaded a metallica song
this is truly hell
